I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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