I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
