why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
