I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
