I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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