My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
