Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
