You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
