this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
