If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
