just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
