if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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