I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
