I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize