Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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