He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
