The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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