I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
