i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
