So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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