He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
