He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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