Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
