Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
