I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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