Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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