my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
