i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
