I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
