I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
