He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize