I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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