I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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