if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
