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We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Randomize
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