That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.