the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
