Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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