I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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