Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
