seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
