it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Congratulations! We have a period
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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