he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
