I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
