im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
