how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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