last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
