I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We left the knife in your bed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
