Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
