Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
