theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
