Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
