You just made me feel so damn special
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
