why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
