Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
