plz talk dirty to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
