she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
