I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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