i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
