sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Green mimosas i think yes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
