I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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