I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this beer tastes like vomit already
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
