White coat. Heels.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
