I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
