we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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