i already hear my dad disowning me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
