if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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