only if we run a train.
done.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
