Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dick very happy bro
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
