1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How does one acquire holy water?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
