I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
