sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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