Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you never un-have a 4some
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
