so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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