woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
