I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
