What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fill condoms, not promises.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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