are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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