I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
